Over the last few years of educating myself about Coaching, and the psychology behind coaching people, is the unrelenting Paradox of being authentic.
We live in a world where being unauthentic is more authentic then being authentic. There is a mind f-sharp for you.
Being who you are is the most challenging skill anyone can ever master. It fascinate me how people have the wisdom to do amazing things such as Vincent Damon Furnier … Who?
Well you probably know him as Alice Cooper, which he legally changed his name by 1975, is one example of a totally paradoxical personality.
This persona or character that he created was to fight against the up bring in which he was born and the paradox of good vs evil. He will acknowledge that he had no musical skills when he started his band Alice Cooper (which by the way was not his name but the bands name), he become so attached to the band and the association with it that he legally changed his name. That association and character of playing Alice Cooper almost cost him his life through the life style that he surrounded himself with. Drinking, Drugs and Rock and Roll. It also made him a large following and a shit load of money, so who is to say that it was a bad thing.
As we bring our self back down to reality and the understanding that most of us will never have the life of Alice Cooper, nor would most of us want to, I ask myself why is it that people feel we have this need to be something else other then who we are?
A few reasons why this need to be unauthentic are fears, jealousy, insecurities, and an overpowering need to be accepted. Yes, we all want to be accepted within a group or tribe. Are you a position of Power in a large company or firm and within that company or industry are you not like the others?
It reminds me of Sesame Street
Can you be authentic? Can you be accepted? This is very challenging for some people. There are two sides to one coin, but it is the same coin.
If anyone needs to change who they are to be accepted by people either in their home or at work I would truly reconsider being there. If you are hard working, respectful, show an interest in the industry you are in and are representing yourself truthfully why would you change? It is the most sought after quality for the simple reason so few can manage it. Being who you are consistently, at home or at work takes a great deal of awareness and the dichotomy of no awareness, it is just being yourself no matter where you are or who you are with.
Here are a few tips or guidelines for anyone to live there life authentically.
Restore Your Integrity – I always know when I have fallen out of my own integrity by the way my tummy feels. When you are living a life authentically, your integrity is intact, and you have the energy and peace of mind to go about you life with out looking over your shoulder. Your integrity is your gate way on building your foundation for your life. When your integrity is strong it can withstand any of life challenges. Some of the areas in your life which you can acknowledge if your integrity is whole are …
- Work – Are you working in the right job for you?
- Spending time and energy on people, places or things that don’t bring out your best. Why are they in your life?
- Having extramarital affairs. When you are go outside of your personal relationships your are out of integrity.
- Living in Fear
- Misrepresenting – Are you honest and ethical
- Managing you Money
- Using addictive substances or compulsive behavior
Be Accountable – Living an authentic life will require you to be accountable. Every day raise your personal standards, not someone else’s. Take note of your own behaviors and actions and ask yourself how can I take responsible for myself, what action do I need to take?
Boundaries – Never leave home without them. Boundaries is one area that has taken me years to fully understand. I didn’t even know I was allowed to have boundaries at home or at work. Having the ability to communicate your boundaries and to honor other peoples boundaries shows respect in any relationship. Being authentic is being yourself, we truly do not wish to create walls, tactfully communicating your boundaries can be done with humor, calmness and with ease. Building walls will keep people out, creating boundaries will bring people in that respect you and you respect them.
Live your Values – Cant live something you don’t know. AT home or at work. Dig deep and set them straight for your own personal values. Know what your company’s values are and practice them.
What do you Need – We all have needs which is not the same as being needy. Are you being loved the way that is right for you or for someone else? Never lower your self worth and get your needs met.
What do you Want – Knowing what you want out of live is the only way to get it. IF you want peace, love and joy in your life then having people around you that love to fight, hate, and take away your joy and happiness to make them happy, then you are settling.
Know who you are through the Three main areas in your life, Restore your Integrity, Get your Needs met, and go after what you want.
Peace, Love, Heart, and Joy